Leaving His Mark on Our Hearts

I am sorry to say that Dot passed away last night. He had some struggles over the past few months. After a battle with a mysterious virus, he had mobility issues. We built him a wheelchair, which seemed to help build strength back in his legs, and he looked better. After a bit, you could tell he was getting a little depressed, so we allowed him more time outside, some of it out of his wheelchair, and once again everything improved, but he still wasn’t healing the way he should. The conversation took the hard turn to euthanasia, and the next day, he stood up on his own for the first time. We took the hint and tried to figure out a different way forward. We began discussions with a vet 3 hours away about amputation of the lower portion of one of his legs. There was a chance it wouldn’t solve everything, but it seemed like his best chance.

At night feed, Scott and I switched roles; I went down to feed the girls while he stayed up and took care of everyone up here. While he was finishing something else, he got a bad feeling and went to check on Dot. Dot was on his side, pupils dilated. As I drove up from feeding the girls, feeling light because of how wonderful it is to be around them, I saw Scott holding Dot, and it was apparent something was very wrong. He was dying. Since all was peaceful, we wrapped him up, gave him some transition essential oils, took him to the West side of the porch, and watched his last sunset. It was quiet, full of pinks and small fluffy clouds that moved from the light into the darkness. He watched the light fade, looking up at me from time to time as if to make sure I was still with him.

Some people may wonder why we didn’t euthanize him at that moment, and it was simply because he wasn’t struggling, it was peaceful, so we allowed him to finish his journey on his own. People who work in hospice often say that there is so much that goes on physically and emotionally in those last days and moments and that death can be a beautiful process. In my 15 years of veterinary work, I have euthanized many animals, including my own, it is not a process we are uncomfortable with. During that time, sometimes euthanasia was done later than it should have been, other times too soon, the decision always being a struggle as to what was the perfect time. Sadly, there is no such thing. We do what we feel is best, and that is all we can offer. We have seen the beauty in that process, many times it includes tears and our own personal pain, but that doesn’t take anything away from the bigger picture.

Bundled up, we went inside. You could feel Dot’s breaths becoming more shallow, his body becoming more relaxed, and then there was a seeming realization that there was no turning back. He took a big deep breath, stretched his legs, and then nothing more. Just like that, his spirit left its shell and went on its way, leaving his mark on our hearts, as they all do.

And if you have made it to this point, thank you, and so you know, Dot is a rooster. I left that out intentionally because sometimes people don’t think much of chickens. But we sincerely mean it when we say sanctuary for all. And I wanted him, even if just for a moment, to feel the same love from others that many animals here receive. He wasn’t a ‘perfect’ boy; he ended up at our house because of his ‘bad’ behavior. This tough rooster turned into a total momma’s boy when he arrived, seeking out solace from the human in his life until he found his place amongst the others. I won’t lie, he was our worst chicken patient ever, much worse than those with far more severe injuries. But part of love is acknowledging all of someone, not making excuses for them, and accepting and loving them anyway. Sometimes even appreciating what others would never. Like all of our other animal companions, he was perfectly imperfect.

Especially for me, the chickens end up being a source of joy and solace. When spending hours at a computer, it can be hard to find something that genuinely makes you smile. But all it takes is spending five minutes outside, watching them play, dust, having someone come over to be held and pet while they nap, seeing the cute babies running around after their moms and being blown away at how phenomenally dedicated and tolerant their moms are. They are my breath of fresh air, they keep me balanced, and they help me remain emotionally open to them, the elephants and the humans in my life. So please, even if you aren’t someone who necessarily has a soft spot for chickens, in particular, give Dot a moment of love, sympathy, respect, whatever you can spare. Because he too deserves it.

June 7, 2019

Comments(9)

Linda Lalonde says
June 7, 2019 at 3:53 pm
I am so sorry for your loss… my thoughts are with all of you and Dot.
You have my heartfelt admiration for your strength to let him take his own path and for your ability to see the beauty and the wonder in all creatures and all things… you pass that on here with your writings, anecdotes and descriptions and I think all who read your words are better for it. Travel on Dot, and be strong and healthy and glorious where ever you may be. Blessed be.
Susan says
June 7, 2019 at 3:59 pm
My deepest sympathy. Dot sounds like an indomdible soul. Bless you for seeing through to it. The bubble of love you have created in Brazil is a story I never tire of. It gives me hope for all creatures that they might find such devotion. Dot had a wonderful and amazing life. Bless you always.
Kelejan says
June 7, 2019 at 4:03 pm
The tears came even though I did not know Dot was a chicken, but I do know chickens love being cuddled and I am so glad that the Sanctuary cares for all creatures that live with you. They are a part of the Whole.
Many years ago a friend of mind rescued chickens from an overturned truck taking them to slaughter. She and her husband took over the forty or so survivors and took them to their small holding. The were pathetic and traumatised but it was marvelous to see how many survived and thrived for the rest of their lives.
Debbie Sides says
June 7, 2019 at 4:50 pm
Dot couldn’t have asked for a better place to be. You cared for him and love him like any other beautiful being. Rest in peace Dot. Your roaming around the heavens with lots of friends to play with and you’re walking around just fine now. Bless you dear boy.
Bobi StaySee says
June 7, 2019 at 7:36 pm
This, the most powerful writing poured out of that limitless heart, ~touching ours deeply. The tremendous surprise in paragraph five brought even deeper respect, compassion, joy and love experienced through your beautiful writing. Thank you thank you thank you for teaching us of true sanctuary. Namaste’
Tom DiCarrado says
June 7, 2019 at 7:38 pm
Dot deserves to be in our thoughts as much as any other animal. My condolences you have lost a friend.
Susan says
June 7, 2019 at 10:00 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss. Dot found his forever home with you, his sanctuary family. Thank you, Kat, for sharing his story with us as well as your own, and some of the journey you walked together. I hope you are in a peace now, Dot, with lots of friends and love surrounding you. ❤️?❤️
Jane says
June 10, 2019 at 12:26 pm
?? all animal lives matter
Nishant Bhajaria says
June 7, 2020 at 7:32 pm
One year since he passed, and we miss him 🙁

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